Last September, I submitted a 26 page application for a Send Me On Vacation vacation for breast cancer survivors. Send Me On Vacation (from their website) provides breast cancer survivors the opportunity to initiate the process of emotional healing through a one of a kind vacation experience. They empower survivors to reconnect with their mind, body, and spirit. The organization's mantra of overcoming fear and fostering emotional fitness post treatment is supported by the concept of vacation rejuvenation transformation (which) helps subdue the fear that is often associated with surviving the effects of breast cancer treatment. Supporting emotional fitness is a critical first step in the recovery from the devastating effects cancer leaves behind.
The website for Send Me On Vacation clearly stated that just because you apply for a vacation, it doesn't necessarily mean you will be granted one. Since it had been five months since my application was submitted, I figured that meant that I didn't get it. But last week, an email arrived inviting me to attend a Revive and Thrive vacation in Rome (Italy, not Texas) in late April of this year! (It's going to be my first trip to Europe.)
Part of the agreement with Send Me On Vacation is that I am responsible for my own transportation costs from my home to the destination hotel and back. Since the Amazing Reese and I are not frequent travelers by any stretch of the imagination and don't have a credit card for mileage points, I'm asking around for suggestions/advice on how to buy an affordable plane ticket without getting scammed. (So far, I've looked at Kayak and Google search for flights.)
In order to fund this journey, I am making these paintings available for sale for a limited time at $100 each. The tulips and the man on the green sofa are oil on linen but the others are all oil on board. The squares are approximately 16" x 16".
Below, the Sarah Hazel Personal Story is my 300 words or less Send Me On Vacation application essay. As I re-read it months later, it feels overwhelming and desperate. Much of this breast cancer journey has felt like that. I've cried more in the time since my breast cancer diagnosis than if you add up all the tears from my whole life before diagnosis.
BUT.......
Through a great program called the Flatwater Foundation, I've found an amazing psychotherapist, and, starting last October, we talk once a week via video therapy. (From their website,) Flatwater Foundation is dedicated to providing those diagnosed with cancer, their families and loved ones access to mental health therapy and family support. This includes access to both traditional and non-traditional methods of psychological counseling.
My therapist has really helped/is really helping me with the process of emotional healing from breast cancer. It's been amazing to see the transformation in a few months from abject terror at getting my blood drawn to one of mild-ish concern. I'm so grateful that this therapy is helping guide me through the fear back to a place of calm. We've got more work to do, but I'm getting there.
The last of my breast reconstruction surgeries was two weeks ago. Everything looks good and is healing well. About three or so more office visits to the plastic surgeon to finalize the noobs and I'll be all done! Whew!
Sarah Hazel
Personal Story
September 2019
It took me about a year after I first noticed a lump in my breast, and then my armpit to finally get a mammogram. When you are hustling several jobs to help pay the mortgage so you don't lose the house, there's not a good time, or money, honestly, to schedule a doctor appointment. When I finally scheduled the appointment, and subsequent biopsies, because it was summer and the beginning of a holiday week, the results came back before I actually got a call from the doctor explaining them. Over and over the inanimate results screamed from the page, "associated with a relatively unfavorable outcome". Within a month I was sitting in an infusion chair being pumped full of chemicals to kill the cancer growing in my breast and lymph nodes.
What no one tells you when you are diagnosed with breast cancer is how betrayed you feel by your own body. The scars where they removed my breasts aren't my only scars. The mental and emotional toll of these last two years has been relentless. My beautiful breasts (may they rest in peace) tried to kill me. If I'm being completely honest, they did a little bit. I'm broken -- mentally, physically, emotionally -- my spirituality got a beat down, too. It's all been so overwhelming.
But, I'm desperate not to be "broken" forever. To that end, I'm currently enrolled in a twelve week Livestrong program at the YMCA, working to improve my physical health. I'm in the process of trying to find the right therapist to help me process my fragile mental state. And I firmly believe that a vacation will give my emotional state a chance to breathe deeply, love wholly, and laugh freely once again. Please grant me a Send Me On Vacation, Inc. vacation with my precious husband.
A final note -- the Amazing Reese will not be joining me on this trip. It is only for breast cancer survivors.
4 comments:
I would love to purchase that seascape and to think of you in Rome whenever I look at it. What a wonderful opportunity.
Thank you Robin! Send me an address where you want it shipped, I guess? I'll send you an email.
I haven’t checked your blog for some time, but the prospect of more surgery at M.D. Anderson brought you to mind. I’m delighted that you are restored to your old self, and especially that you will be going to Italy for a while. In 2003, I flew to London and came back from Rome using frequent flying points which I received from a client in exchange for some legal work. Instead of selling your paintings for money, you could ask to be paid in frequent flyer points. Figure out the points you will need and price your paintings accordingly.
Tom - that's a great idea! The ball is already rolling on this, though, so there's no turning back. I'm not quite restored to my former self, but I'm working hard to get there. I hope you continue to find joy in your continuing medical journey.
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