Friday, May 22, 2009

Out of Gas

It's actually a little nerve wracking to start painting again after so long an absence. I'm hesitant to begin, and delicately apply the outline of a shape, an idea. Where do I go from here?

It doesn't help my fragile psyche that I just found another dead fish in the backyard pond. That's three dead fish in two weeks. Ugh. Rightfully so, I feel personally and morally responsible for these fish. How pathetic that I can't seem to find the right balance between plants, fish, and fountain to create a self contained water ecosystem. It's not rocket science.

Plus, at this moment, I'm hesitant to venture out in public for fear of catching something while my immune system is compromised. Again, how pathetic. The last two weeks before this one, I did the grocery shopping and ran a few errands. And the last two Fridays and Saturdays, I ran a fever. This week, except for tiny little things, I've been completely home bound, hoping hoping hoping that my immune system will recover. For the record, I hate being a recluse.

One of my friends sent me this in an e-mail:
I remember learning that after being ill one's energy levels can be compared to a gas tank in a car without a gas gauge. You get up in the morning thinking your tank is full and go full bore into something feeling pretty good and then all of the sudden you go around a corner and find you are flat on empty. No warning whatsoever. It was weird.

That's exactly how I feel, like I have a gas gauge that doesn't work.

On the brighter side of things, with all this down time, I'm constantly adding to my ukulele song repertoire. Some day, I'd like to try busking on a street corner. Put a hat out, strum the ukulele, sing a little, and see if I can earn enough money for supper. To this end, I can now play the chords to (and sing mumble) Freebird. Doesn't someone in the crowd always shout out, "Freebird!"? A small disclaimer, my ukulele version of Freebird, so far, is without the awesome three minute solo riff at the end of the song.


James Everett Newman said...

Don't beat yourself up - ecosystems can be quite delicate and tricky to maintain.

J. said...

That gas analogy is SO right on!

I'm sorry your body still feels like it's taken such a beating, ouch. But I am glad you have found something (the ukelele) that helps you feel like you're doing *something* as you recover.

Sarah Hazel said...

In spite of running low on steam, I got out a several times this past weekend. Being around people energized me. I'm getting better...maybe 85%.

mary said...

omigosh I would love to see you busk! I have been taking violin lessons. I am way too shy to play for anyone, one day...