It came as quite a shock when I was in the clinic the other day, that getting a tattoo was part of the preparation process for radiation treatments. Actually, it's five little tattoos marking the area that will be zapped for 15 minutes a day for six weeks. (Oh, by the way, radiation treatments start later this week.) I was really hoping that with my "pathologic complete response" report after surgery that radiation could be avoided altogether, but since the cancer is/was HER2 positive, and in my lymph nodes, radiation is still recommended as part of the overall treatment plan. To be honest, I'm more than a little apprehensive about radiation. It's just one more small step for this woman, but it feels like a giant leap. It all feels like a giant leap. Like I'm on the moon and a mission control room full of doctors and insurance agents are deciding my future, whether I live or die, from thousands of miles away. Each decision they make directly impacts whether or not I'll make it back home, to loved ones, to live life on earth. But here I am today, with my feet on the ground, and about to get zapped with radiation. I very much feel the gravity of the earth AND the situation. God bless them, I have enlisted a few friends to help with transportation to and from the radiation appointments -- transportation, yes, but also for the moral support. (I don't think I've told them that.)
In addition to radiation, the oncologist has added another drug to my infusion schedule, one which has caused a whole new round of side effects, though still not as bad as the chemicals used during the first six cycles of infusion. All of it -- EVERYTHING -- has slowed me down quite a bit -- starting with the port placement last July to chemotherapy to surgery to more infusions and now to radiation -- but I'm making it and doing as much living as I can when I can.
The doctors are pleased with my recovery from surgery and as such, I'm starting to use my arms beyond tiny t-rex motions again, and feel confident and well enough to socialize (on good days), and have a fuzzy selfie to prove it -- proof positive that in between all of the bad, there's a whole lot of good.
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| Looks like we all went to the same barber! |
8 comments:
Thanks for sharing. You are going to the moon and back my friend and with your positive outlook, you will land softly and march on with life. . . . . Muah!
Sarah, I've been keeping you in my prayers and I'm so happy you got out to play! Although, every t-rex movie that made fun of those tiny arm movements just ran through my head. Want a list of those movies?
You are always on my heart. I was secretly hoping the radiation would be cancelled. You got this. Gravity will keep you grounded. God will keep you living. I’m sure of that.
With your writing, I can get a feel for the gravity you are experiencing, Sarah. The tiny baby steps will take you to extraordinary health, but in the meantime we'll be on the sidelines cheering you on and expecting the best of all this. 'Glad your T-rex arms are functioning and allowing you to document your journey :) It is making us all the wiser and awakened. I am grateful to you for this, and so very grateful for Reese and your family for being there. Sending you love and heart on the winds today, Beauty Queen XOX
Sarah, keep on being brave! As a physician, I find your comments here thought provoking. We are trying to learn how to make recommendations without taking control from patients and families, and in a way that includes you as part of the team.
If I was there I'd ask to be on the transport list. Sending you a hug from the frozen North. It's nice to see your face, dear Sarah.
@Mitch - Ha! Made me laugh.
@Ann - Yes. Thank you for working on great solutions for your patients. I don't want to go into specifics here about my particular situation, but we can chat via email or facebook messenger if you like.
@ Laurie - You make me smile.
@Lacey - I'm glad this journey is of some use/service but I feel like you've always been wise and awakened. Speaking of awakened, I spent about five minutes today looking for my slippers only to finally realize that they were already on my feet. #notawakened
@Mary - Glad to see the pub is open and garnering great reviews!
@Margaret - Dear friend, remind me when international festival is again?
Sarah, it’s always great to see your face and Reese’s! Your control one analogy is so profound. So many can relate to that! 🙏 for you!!!!!
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