Giving Myself Grace

When I first started painting in my early 40's, there was an immediate jolt to my soul, a connection so strong that I actually started to see life in a different way. That's one reason this blog is named Finding My Glasses, named not only for the obvious reason of my near constant pursuit of looking for my actual spectacles, but also because suddenly I was seeing the world through a lens where colors, shapes, and lines became part of how my world was interpreted on a day to day basis. Since painting in oils was developing into a new skill, there was a huge learning curve, one which I'm continually exploring, and a daily pull and tug to create as much as time and space allowed. 

For the last few years, all of my energies, spiritual, emotional, mental, physical, and creative have been intensely focused on a very basic "struggle" to return to full health after breast cancer, or as full as it can be after breast cancer. There hasn't been much of anything left in this old body and soul to spend any amount of time in the studio....until recently. One of my dear art friends suggested that perhaps it was time to start pursuing art again, and at first encouraged me to tidy up the studio, and then to make a cup of tea or coffee and just go sit in the studio.....say a prayer, and if I'm supposed to pick up a brush that day then I will, otherwise, give myself grace and try again another day. So that's what I've been doing. (For all of the extra sitting time in the studio, I've brought in a more comfortable chair.) This contemplative mindset is also very much in keeping with what my therapist has been nudging me toward -- giving myself grace to sit and not be busy all of the time. It's a BIG change for me.

Early on in my art journey, I decided that, for me at least, it was best to forge my own path so as to not be unduly influenced by anyone else's work. I had read stories of  great artists before me who had destroyed their own work if they saw it was influenced by a mentor or teacher, and I wanted to avoid that step if possible, so, with the exception of one life drawing class at Glassell School of Art, and a three month still life drawing class, I am, in art speak, self taught. Part of what that means is that there is a LOT that I don't know. It often feels like I'm starting at square one. The struggle to convert the idea for the painting, how I see it in my head and dreams, onto a two dimensional surface is real. But what joy is experienced when it all comes together.  This is one of those times! Both self imposed structure and grace have permitted time and strength to work on this painting. It's a 36" x 24" oil on linen that I'm happy to now present. Voila.

The Girls, oil on linen, 24" x 36"