My life is inextricably connected to these new artistic pursuits. I haven't figured out a way to turn off my brain at the end of a "work" day. Consequently, I think about art all the time.
This is a continuation of a pattern for me. As a new mom, I studied and completely devoted 100% of my time and effort to motherhood with the ultimate goal of raising mature, healthy, independent adults. My daughters are amazing human beings. I'm delighted to be part of their lives, what a priviledge. As a gardener, I sweated, toiled, labored and now my garden grows without much effort.
Ultimately, this is an art blog. As explained before, the purpose of this blog is to document the trials and triumphs of my artistic life. But that's just it. It's all my life. I contemplate all kinds of issues all the time that intertwine with almost everything I do artistically. And now that I'm writing a blog, I try to think of new ways to convey to my reading public something interesting about my tiny artistic life. What I'm trying to say is that I can't seperate being an artist from being a mom, being a gardener, being Reese's wife, and everything else that encompasses my life.
Tipping my daughter's hand, (which she might not appreciate) we watched The Princess Diaries recently. It's a charming story about a young lady who finds out that her father was a crown prince and therefore she is a princess. Heretofore, she has lived a life of invisibility. The conflict, of course, is she must decide whether or not to accept her responsibilities as a princess. Regardless, she can no longer ignore who she is by birth. She was born a princess. She "discovers" herself and eventually embraces her birthright.
Was I born an artist? Or will art be a phase like gardening? Motherhood is a phase that's nearly over for me.... will the art continue? Is there one identity, really, to which we were born? I know that The Princess Diaries is just a fairy tale, but is there a smidgen of truth to it? Did God create us for one thing? I mean, I've been a lot of things already. This art thing is new-ish, but it feels right. Is this the one thing for which I was created? Doesn't everyone want to find this super meaning to life and figure out why they are here?
5 comments:
What an awesome post. I often ask the same questions about my hobbies. I even ask the same questions about relationships - if what's going on now is "the one". Have you felt this way about prior interests? That's one of my favorite things to think about - how if I think something I'm doing now is like sooooooo totally me, that 3 years ago when I was doing something completely different, I felt the same way, yet now it's just a fond memory that I truly have no desire to do again.
"When I paint I can feel God's pleasure." (I'm modifying that quote from Chariots of Fire.) Nothing has gripped me like painting has. Other things have been enjoyable, yes, but with painting, I feel like I've been given the desire of my heart.
I'm also a very relative thinker. So I would probably ask what it means exactly that nothing else has gripped you like painting has. It could mean that it's the bomb diggity, but it could also mean that everything up to this point has either sucked or just been mediocre... but never seemed it, because at the time, it was pretty cool.... relative to everything else so far :-) And in 5 years, something else may come along that's even bigger and better! I mean, painting did it, so why not?
Part of what makes painting such a unique experience for me, is that I realize that I've been given a gift. And instead of misusing it or not using it at all, I feel a huge responsibility to use this gift/talent well. If indeed there comes a time when this gift is no longer useful to the "glory" of my Creator, then hopefully I will have been faithful with the time I have been given.
Amen :-)
And I'm glad you have this gift, and are sharing it with us. It's beautiful.
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